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July 2008

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Jul. 20th, 2008

Me.

Im not supossed to be happy. I know im not. If i was then i would be happy by now. Nothing good stays in my life. If i was then the most important part of who i am would be right. But its not, and im not. There is no god. No being, no matter how powerful or whatever, he is could be this evil. Dont come up to my door preaching your bible shit because i will pull a knife on you. Dont tell me someone is watching over me because your full of shit. Dont tell me things get better, thats your life, not mine. I dont like people and i probably dont like you unless your one of the few people i give a shit about.

Jun. 1st, 2008

And it gets worse.

I hate how ungrateful she is. She doesn't even know how much I do for her. All the secrets I hold for her. All the times I've helped her because she couldn't help herself. All of that, means nothing to her. Nothing at all. She still treats me like dirt. All the money I spent on her, and yet she gets mad when I ask her to buy me something. All the stuff I've given her, and she can't even give me the things I ask for. All the jewelry I got her, that's probably lost now. Nothing holds any water with her anymore. Its all forgotten. She should be grateful. I saved her life when everyone else had given up. But that means nothing to her. And when she reads this, she's going to get pissed, and say how I'm so perfect and all the usual stuff. But nothing will change. She never changes.

days like this.

I hate days like this. When I have nothing to do. And I start thinking about her. Her, and all the fun things we did together. All those warm, fuzzy memories. But then the newer, not as happy memories come to mind. But the feeling stays. Love. Love that was taken from me. And all I want is that feeling back. I know that at a time like this, I would do anything to get it back. I would beg, I would let her control me. I just want that sense of need again.
Its wierd how meeting new people can make you feel. Some people make you remember yourself. Some people, you develop a crush on. Some people, you want to help. Some people, you just want to use.

I may not need to be in a relationship, but I want to. Its like a drug. That sense of need, the feeling of love, the intamacy. You get used to it very fast, but when its gone, you know you need it.

May. 25th, 2008

I love it!!!!!

I got a job at hot dog on a stick!!! It is sooo much fun. And I get to work with there amazingly hot chicks. And I've never seen so many lesbians before!!! Omg, soo much fun.

May. 15th, 2008

happy post!!! :D

I got a job!!! I now work at hot dog on a stick at the Carlsbad mall!! Oh, and tara ended up being a waste of time. Oh well. Currently there is no mrs. Sharp in my life, but whatev. Omg, emily has an amazing ass!!! Yay for pe! Haha. Thats all for now. Bye.

May. 3rd, 2008

my life sucks

steph and I broke up. I might be homeless soon. My parents won't talk to me anymore. I'm depressed. I haven't sleeped in 3 days. I burst a blood vessel in my left eye and couldn't see for 2 days. Yeah, my life sucks right now.

Apr. 7th, 2008

blahhhh.

ok, so my ipod got taken away, and i got sent to fallbrook for spring break. google it.

Mar. 1st, 2008

yay!

I'm on aim. Screen name is m666pain616. Also on yahoo. Sn: leonardosue.

Feb. 16th, 2008

oh my god!!!!

my girlfriend and her mom just took me to seaworld! Iv never been before. It was sooo fun. We saw shamoo and the other whales. The sea lion shoe was really cool, except for the mime. We saw penguins!!!! And I got to pet a sting ray. I has so much fun, thankyou so much baby.

Jan. 29th, 2008

I wish I was dead.

I wish I was dead. I hate living where I do, I hate fighting with my parents every day. I hate how nothing I do is good enough for them. I hate how they have to criticize everything I do or say. I hate how I can be abused by my stepdad and he gets away with it. I hate what I am. I hate being alive.
I wish someone would just kill me, just take me away. Let me die. Let me die. I want to die. I want to die tonight.

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